One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in very sexy
nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he
tied her up and went golfing.
**********
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What
should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said.
Just get out."
**********
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.
**********
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied,
"I know the guy."
**********
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her
husb and burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some
more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn
them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to! STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!
Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving."
Keep Smiling